He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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