My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
