It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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