Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
