A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize