and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
