I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
