Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
