You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
