3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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