ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
