We named our party play list daddy issues
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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