What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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