Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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