i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
