Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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