Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
