it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
