just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
