I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
