You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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