Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
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My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
As shirtless as possible
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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