My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
