just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
