Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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