all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
