I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
do nipples grow back?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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