i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
