I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
