break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
