I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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