Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It's Friday. Sex?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
