why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
