I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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