my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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