If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
