you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I need water and some morals
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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