i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
