There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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