Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
