Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
