I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
