Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
