AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void