when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
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I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
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He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.