so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.