I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?