Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
