If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
