he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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