PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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