OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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