We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
