my shit smells like andre
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
