Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
