found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
