Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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