'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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