my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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