Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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