This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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