Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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