I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
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Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
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Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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