I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
