twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
