in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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