Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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