But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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