Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
