did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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