i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
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Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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