dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
