thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
