Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
