it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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