Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
