I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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