ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
