Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
