Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?